So you know how one great idea leads to someone stepping all over said idea and trying to put you down which makes you put up your dukes and make some kind of sarcastic remark which leads to a completely random remark which leads to ANOTHER great idea? Yeah, that's what happened to me yesterday. What's so cool about it is that my latest idea is a freakin' awesome idea for the upcoming Zombalypse (or Apocabie, whichever way you want to go with that).
|What's even better about this gum is that it comes with a personalized Louisville Slugger bat offer. I think I'll name my bat Smooshy Face.|
So...what if we take Big League Chew and mold it into a brain shape? It really shouldn't be that hard because it already looks a little like ground beef (the original flavored one, not the grape one) and should be easy to mold and to get it to stick together.
|Click on the picture to go to the Big League Chew Wikipedia page.|
Then whenever the zombies start to get close to overrunning us we lob the molded gum, just like little brain grenades, into the press. The zombies will see them and think "yummy brains" and then they'll try to eat them and then they'll have a hard time eating them because it'll be all chewy, you know, because it's like a huge wad of gum. (I know you know how this feels because when you were a kid you completely ignored the "stay-fresh pouch" part of BLC's sales pitch and totally tried to eat that whole packet of gum all at once, didn't you?) Then, while the zombies are busy chewing their jaws off, you could easily run away or take the chance to start picking them off.
|I imagine it would look something like this but with less pretty and more decomposing.|
The Ford Gum & Machine Company should totally market this shit with zombies in mind. They could even make a version that tastes and smells like brain to make it more appealing. Dip the whole wad of brain into peanut butter and we'll have zombies gumming around for hours. It'll totally be the gum of choice for zombies and zombie slayers alike and revolutionize post-apocabie life. All I ask in payment for this innovation is for my reader (yep, that's you again Brent) to, when the time comes, let everyone know that I was the first to come up with it. Hubba Bubba eat your heart out.