I Need a Skyrim Patch

Why oh why am I not doing productive things like figuring out some crochet patterns, crocheting stuff, learning how to knit cute little baby beanies, keeping up with Pinterest, furthering my cooking skills, learning about new games, making cards, or starting on that DAMN scrapbook? Because I can't stop playing Skyrim!

Also, have you noticed that everything on my to-do is either very sedentary (that's your word for the day, look it up bitches) or has something to do with food? This is why I have to make time in my extremely busy schedule - read SHED-jool - to go to the gym and work out.

There are so many things that can be said about this picture.
It's all about the cup, the boobs, the burger king crown...

If I could do TKB and crochet at the same time without somehow getting my work all covered in stinky sweat I would totally do it. But alas, it is nigh impossible. Maybe if I completely covered myself in latex?

This is the only work out I usually get while crocheting

Anyway, I did manage to spill stuff on Brent’s pants that will make it look like he’s peed all over himself the next time he puts them on. I guess I could put THAT on my list of things accomplished for today. That + Skyrim = pretty loser day, if you ask me.

Cue Adam Sandler to tell everyone that only the cool kids pee their pants so that Brent doesn't feel bad.

Also I honestly can't find any reason not to play Skyrim right now aside from the fact that I think my weight gain is directly proportional to my level gain. Man this game is like freakin' game crack in a weird otherworldly Farmvillesque kind of way. Skyrim is all about life as usual where your usual life includes killing monsters and undead; crafting armor, potions, and food; and killing dragons who show up randomly as you're adventuring.

Just watch out for those arrows

It's the little things that make playing Skyrim the stupendous and engrossing experience that it is. Take for example the bard's college and the burning of King Olaf.

The bard's college is located in Skyrim's Solitude and is filled with broke, artistic, eccentric people; much like our Art Institutes.This special needs college calls to the outcasts of Skyrim, those without the ability or nobility to do anything but recite or sing. The best thing about joining the college is the opportunity to do some quests for the instructors. The quests themselves are not necessarily special, however the rewards are very, very worthwhile. Because these bards are completely broke your payment for services rendered comes in the form of experience (and no it's not THAT type of experience, you sick person you). Each instructor will give you different types of knowledge and you can gain skill levels in things like stealth, various schools of magic, and combat. Honestly some of the best rewards in the game.

Don't ask me who that guy at bottom right is, I don't know, but he is wearing dwarven armor.

The only way to enter the Bard's college is to save the ritual "burning of King Olaf" festival. This entry quest is not really important except maybe for the amassing of some good loot; what IS important are the correlations between "The Burning of King Olaf" and "Burning Man". Actually there are only two parallels here but I think they have significance. One, in both "King Olaf" and "Burning Man" they set an effigy on fire. Two, both are festivals put on by the dangerously artistic. See? I'm totally on to something here.

I had front row seats for the burning of King Olaf because I was integral in the festival's revival.

Did I mention that Skyrim also has great music? Here's a video for all of those people out there who, like me, need someone to invent a Skyrim patch so we can cope with the withdrawals. Also for anyone who looked up "Skyrim soundtrack" on iTunes.

 

By the way, I'm supposed to let you know that the music in this video belongs to Bethesda and composer Jeremy Soule, and it's taken from the game "The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim". Also, you should totally check out the other videos from Malukah and her blog. She's a bard of the highest order and also my new music idol. Now, I've got to go purchase my Skyrim Soundtrack.

The Dreaded Blank Page of a First Post

So, here I am, staring at the extremely blank page of my first blog post ever. Actually, I take it back, I often do blogging for my job. Just about every Monday, to tell you the truth. This is completely different. I wonder how many people started up a blog and just stopped right here? Anyway, if you are reading this, I am amazed. It would be nice to have someone take a look at what I have to say, but I'm really not expecting it. I think it will work out better this way.

This blog will encompass many things. It will talk about the absolute joy I find in gaming, even though I've been trying to stay away from Skyrim for a little over a week now. I will wax eloquent regarding my inability to make a specific craft work. For example, any card I am currently making, a knitting pattern I have recently thrown on the floor, or the scrapbook that I can never seem to get started. My blog will also go in depth into my love/hate relationship with movies and learning how to cook. I may mention my husband once in a while. (By the way, he was the one who thought this was a good idea - now you know who to blame.) I'll probably never mention Taylor Lautner, except for right now. If you find his name in this blog more than once, please let me know, so I can find a suitable punishment for my mind.

On a completely different note:

Who does a mediocre-esque looking person (I think this is me) have to sleep with to get a good game studio to finally put out Battlefront III?!?!? HELLO, the PlayStation 3 needs this! My 2 is only about 8 years old, but in gaming platform years that's like 80! By the way, I can't actually sleep with anyone to get this done, but I can try to find someone to do it. Maybe even pay them some money. I think I've got 40 bucks in my pocket right now, so how does a 30 dollar hooker sound, person who will take on Lucas Arts? Please get back to me about my offer, you're our only hope.